I’ve now worked for an undisclosed large cinema chain for almost three years. And while there are perks to the job, there are also a lot of things that now irritate me beyond belief. You learn to hate a LOT of things you never even considered relevant to your life before. Here are the best of the worst:
1. Complaining about prices. Okay. You have a five minute rant about how much you’re getting ripped off. You tell me ‘I know it’s not your fault’ – SO WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS TO ME!?!? I KNOW how much things cost.I know it’s a rip off. I don’t buy food from there often, for precisely that reason. Don’t shout all this at me, then decide that actually, you will have four drinks, some popcorn – and why not throw in some chocolates in there too? Please realise that if it was up to me, I would not charge £3.50 for a packet of Chocolate Buttons.
2. ‘Is the film good?’ This is a love-hate question. If I enjoyed the film, I will probably go all fangirl and talk about how I loved it, and I really hope they’d enjoy it too. If I hated it, then it’s going to be a little awkward. Especially if it’s the biggest comedy film of the year (*cough* Ted *ahem*) and everybody else loves it. I’m not going to take responsibility for your preconceptions.
3. Orange Wednesday. If you are guilty of doing any of these things, know that you are probably being mentally cursed by your cashier.
A). ‘Two for Orange Wednesday please.’ — well you’ll be standing there for a long time while I try to read your mind and discover what film you’re watching.
B). Complain that there are only front seats left when you’ve turned up 10 minutes late to the new film out.
C). “27389122″ — Again. What am I supposed to do with this?
4. Children. This may be specific to the area that I work in. It’s wonderful when you get a little guy with a bowl haircut that holds open the door for you. However, 95% of the time, they are little shits that cry, demand food off their frazzled looking parents, or run in and set off the fire alarm (or do it after being thrown out of a screen for throwing sweets and talking incessantly).
5. Mess. Do you drop food all over your own house? Do you throw it, smear it, trample it at home!? Well, I have to clean up after you in 10 minutes. And I don’t mind sweeping up the odd sweet wrapper or picking up your boxes. But when you pay the best part of £5 for a large popcorn, WHY would you throw it over a whole row? You clearly don’t understand how hard it is to brush popcorn off carpet.
6. People who think they’re better than you. I’m at university. This is a part time job. Please don’t speak to me like I’m a two year old. If you read the film times wrong, that is not my problem. You’re the only person that thought it was on then. But no – the website is wrong. Not you. Oh no. Never you.
7. Hygiene. On a similar note; there are baby changing facilities in the male and female toilets. There is NO excuse for dirty nappies in screens. I’m sure you dislike your babies shit. What makes you think I want to deal with it?! This also goes to the (several) people that have pooed in screens. I’m sure the film is not that exciting that you have to excavate your bowls on the floor (or in the cup holder, which I will NEVER understand). And to the person who left a used tampon swinging from the toilet roll dispenser in the toilet. That took you more time than putting it into the bin. And you probably gave someone AIDS from that. Go die.
8. People that don’t know what they want. But insist on standing on the queue anyway. Then ignore you when you shout ‘next’. Just check out the menu boards. Even ask us if you’re confused about the deals. But don’t just stand, giggle and take forever standing thinking at the till, when you had 10 minutes waiting before you got here. FURTHERMORE, it’s not hard to ask for a ticket. Film and ticket type. Two simple things. That doesn’t warrant whispering, pushing and ‘you go first’ – yes pre-teen girls, I’m looking at you.
9. Complaints. If you complain to the manager about us, they will agree to your face. Then laugh and agree what a dickhead you are the moment you leave. Unless we’re genuinely being unreasonable. Which is not often. Usually, it’s you.
10. Diet Coke. You order a large coke, popcorn and hotdog. But wait – ‘I’d better get Diet’. Really? At this point, is diet going to make that much difference?
11. Problems. If there was a problem with your screen, tell me five minutes after the film doesn’t start. Not half an hour later. What have you been doing all that time!? Secondly, if there were kids talking/kicking/throwing things for the entire film, come out when they start! I know it’s embarrassing and you don’t want to miss the film/be annoying. But I’d rather kick them out now (I can deal with ten year olds telling me to go fuck myself), than have you moan to me about it when it’s too late.
12. Underage Kids. You are 12. You are not 15. I’m not stupid. Please just watch The Smurfs. You ain’t getting into everything else. This is 10 times worse if they’re with their parents. No, it doesn’t matter if they’re with you. It’s the law. Nope, I’m not going to change my mind. And they probably won’t let you in another cinema either. Oh, you’re going anyway. Okay. Have fun watching the Smurfs there.
This is all I have for now, although I’m sure there’s many more that I haven’t remembered! Hope this has given you a good laugh (I’m sure I would find it funny if I didn’t deal with them so often)! See you next time 🙂